


Memories

by Enina



Series: A Cold Place [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Barry needs a hug, Child Abuse, Drama, Loneliness, M/M, Memories, Orphan Barry, The Man In Yellow Is A Creep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 10:52:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4177104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enina/pseuds/Enina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The man in the yellow suit is a constant in Barry's life, even if he never shows himself.</p><p> </p><p>This can be seen as part of the “A Cold Place” universe but should also work as a standalone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ladyofpride](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofpride/gifts).



> This is for my wonderful beta ladyofpride, who is currently writing a really amazing story called “The Oubliette”, which inspired me to write this piece.

* * *

Barry sees the man in the yellow suit at times.

He never brings it up anymore, though.

Nobody would believe him, anyway.

They _never_ do.

Barry knows that to them he will always just be a stupid little child who is not able to cope with his parents’ deaths. They think he simply tries to come up with a way to make sense of it but they never say it like that. They always make it sound more compassionate and sympathetic but he knows what they really think of him.

It is frustrating and leaves him feeling really angry and sad but there is just no proof he can offer.

Now, that he is older, he understands that it isn’t really their fault, though, because it isn’t really accurate that he _sees_ him. Other than for the night his family was taken from him, he has never gotten another glimpse of him.

Still, he _knows_ that this man is there.

In moments like this one right now, the man is more like a _presence_ he is aware of.

Barry stays still under his blanket, it is dark and quiet around him other than for the snoring of the two other boys he is currently sharing a room with at the orphanage. It is the smaller one of the two the Central City has to offer poor little souls like him and Barry is glad that he is back here and not over at Johns’ street again.

He _hates_ it there…

The feeling of static in the air is getting stronger as is the metallic taste in his mouth.

It is always like this when the man in the yellow suit appears. Barry is always aware of him, he has never been able to actually spot him, though, because, as soon as he opens his eyes, there is nobody around. At times, the odd feeling vanishes with that but, more often than not, it stays.

The man in the yellow suit is able to make himself _invisible_ , at least that is Barry’s conclusion, has been since he was really young.

… and even he knows how stupid this sounds but it still has to be true.

He tried to tell the adults who are taking care of him and the other children here. They didn’t listen – of course they didn’t. It was stupid of him even to try to make them understand why he was so scared of going to bed back then. They only got angry at him because he was upsetting the other boys in his room with this _nonsense_.

One time, he also tried to tell one of his foster mothers. She has been one of the few genuinely _nice_ ones who never hit him or screamed at him. She assured him that he is only imagine things, that he is still sad because of what has happened to his parents and that his mind is just making things up so that he could be angry at someone for his loss.

For a time, he was inclined to believe her.

Then, she died.

Her rotten husband – who was just like _all the rest_ – came home drunk and pushed her down the stairs. She broke her neck on impact when she hit the floor below and Barry was back at the orphanage within hours.

He doesn’t have any proof for it but he is certain that the man in the yellow suit was there too that night as he was led away from another home that wasn’t his.

The metallic taste is disgusting and Barry has to fight to not make a face because of it. It is a bit like the air tastes before a big storm.

Once, Barry really _liked_ lightning storms. When he was very small, his mother would count with him for the thunder after a flash of lightning. He still remembers this very lividly. Not so much her face anymore but her voice and the smell of her hair and the feeling of her arms around him.

The feeling of being _safe_ and _loved_.

He doesn’t like storms anymore.

For a long time, he wondered why this bad man is doing this to him. With nearly twelve, Barry has learned by now that sometimes people don’t need a reason to be cruel to others. They just _want_ to be.

Still, this knowledge is nearly _more_ upsetting than believing that he did something wrong in the first place to deserve this.

Barry has never met the man in the yellow suit before, though. Not before that night and he wishes he never had _at all_.

With the man in the yellow suit, this private _bogeyman_ of his, came a lot of change. Like that his parents are no longer there and that he no longer has a home. There are no more hugs or someone who tucks him in at night, nobody who is telling him that they love him or hold him after a nightmare.

Barry needed a while to get used to this new world but he did eventually. These days he tries not to think too much of what has been, it only hurts.

The presence next to him moves closer, he can _feel_ it and it causes him to get goose-bumps. He hates it when he comes this close. It makes his skin _itch_ and something uncomfortable and heavy settle in his stomach.

The man in the yellow suit would not hurt him, he knows that by now. At least, Barry tries to convince himself that this being would have killed him a long time ago if he really wanted to.

This isn’t a really comforting thought, though.

In a way it makes him feel like a mouse in front of a hungry cat.

Barry doesn’t understand why he is doing this to him… and he isn’t sure whether this is the _first time_ either.

There are these _dreams_ he has. They started a bit over a year ago.

They are about odd places and people he doesn’t know. There is also someone he thinks may be himself, a much older version of himself. Wearing a silly red suit and being really _fast_.

Faster than a flash of lightening across the sky.

A part of him likes these dreams, the ones in which he is running and the ones in which he is with other people who are wearing just as silly costumes as he is – they look a lot like the superheroes in comic books – who are nice and friendly and don’t make fun of him.

He especially likes the man in green who can fly and make things out of light with his ring. There are so many of them but there is something _special_ about this man and he really thinks that he could be his best friend if he was real and not so much _older_.

It is an odd notion but it is also nice in a way. He never had a best friend, not since he was really young.

Barry also dreams of a woman at times. Sometimes she has light skin, sometimes she is of colour, sometimes they are very close and sometimes there is a deep feeling of hurt between them that is like a wide gap that seems impossible to cross. She really _pretty_ , even though he can never see her face, he just _knows_ she is.

There is also the man in the blue parka with the funny glasses. Barry really likes him, despite knowing that this man is also a bad one who hurts him in his dreams at times.

But he _isn’t_ like the man in the yellow suit. Not _evil_ , not really, only disillusioned with the world around him and sad and angry, even if he hides it behind a mask of bravado and silly – _funny_ – puns.

Barry can understand that, letting others not see all of you so that you won’t get hurt.

He always feels especially close to those both and in some dreams he even _kisses_ them – the pretty woman and the man in the blue parka. It always leaves him feeling very odd and confused and he doesn’t really like it because kissing is _icky_ … especially _grown-ups_.

… but it is also nice – a little bit, at least. It makes his belly feel warm and he knows that he is safe when he is with the man in the blue parka.

Barry has never told anybody of those dreams. He knows that this would make him even more to an outsider and oddball and he really _doesn’t_ want that to happen. If he could have his way, he would make himself invisible too to the rest of the world.

Another reason, why he doesn’t feel comfortable mentioning any of his dreams is the man in the yellow suit himself, whom he doesn’t want to know of any of this. He isn’t sure why but he is certain that this man would _not_ like it – him dreaming of these things.

The man in the yellow suit has been in his dreams before too, always _hurting_ him, always so angry that it _scares_ Barry.

He is also fast, nearly as fast as Barry – sometimes even a bit faster – and they do nothing but _fight_ each other.

Other speedsters join them at times, mostly nice ones who help him with fighting the man in the yellow suit, but at times there are ones who are just as bad as the bad man and want to hurt him and the others too.

A couple of weeks ago, Barry had a really _awful_ nightmare of the man in the yellow suit. The _worst_ so far.

It still makes him feel sick just thinking about it. Especially with this man so _close_ , right now.

They had been fighting like usual, but Barry had been _hurt_ and tired and the man in the yellow suit was getting stronger, _leaching_ _off_ his energy somehow.

… then he did this horrible thing to him, holding him down when he was hardly able to fight anymore, and made him hurt so _badly_.

Barry is familiar with this kind of pain, he has felt it many times before. It had him caught off-guard how _horrified_ the other him of his dreams had been, though. It left him shaking and crying till someone came to see what the ruckus was all about.

He couldn’t explain what made him so upset, partly because he didn’t want to touch upon this subject – he knows from experience in what kind of trouble this could get him into – and partly because the man in the yellow suit was still there _right_ _next_ to them. He could _feel_ his presence. It made him cry even harder.

Right now, Barry feels close to crying as well. The back of his throat hurts and his eyes burn in this familiar uncomfortable way and he just wants him _gone_.

Why can’t he just leave him _alone_?

As if on a cue, the looming presence next to his bed vanishes from one second to the next. For a moment it is like there is a vacuum and Barry holds his breath, not trusting the sudden sense of relief till he is certain he isn’t just being fooled or imagining things.

The air is easier to breathe again and any trace of the awful metallic taste starts to fade away.

Barry cracks his eyes open a bit, glancing next to him, not really expecting to find anything – anybody – there but still _needing_ to look.

He is alone with the other boys.

His hands are slightly shaking as he lifts them to rub his eyes. A couple of hot tears run down his temples but he ignores them. He feels exhausted and scared and the notion of going back to sleep is awful because he just _knows_ that the dreams would be of the bad kind again this time around.

Barry pulls the blanket high up to his chin and turns to his side, so that he can curl up into a small ball.

He feels vulnerable, helpless and alone, more than usual, and he buries his face into his pillow as he starts to sob, not wanting to wake any of the other boys up and getting in trouble again.

Barry thinks of his parents, of how much he misses them, and of how he wishes he could have _saved_ them.

He thinks of those people he dreams of at times, the nice ones, and how it feels to run so exhilaratingly fast that the world around him slows down and starts to turn into nothing but colours that run into each other.

He thinks of the pretty woman, whose touch is always so gentle, and the man in the blue parka, who likes to just hold him close, like he is afraid of letting go of him again.

Those thoughts are calming and his upset breathing starts to even out after a couple of minutes before it turns deep and slow.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
